On Autophobia
29 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and — in spite of True Romance magazines — we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely — at least, not all the time — but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967
During adolescence I was often alone. I sought quiet time away from family and friends. Even among welcome company, I reached a saturation level rather quickly, my sociability needs rather minor. This stood in stark contrast to one particular friend, who despised being alone. Feared it, even. She could not stand to be alone in her family home, and would fill the time with phone calls if she could not arrange for after-school company.
I could not relate.
There are culturally determined predispositions for ideas on aloneness. Western cultures are often pushing for autonomy, individual thought and pursuit, and the idea of the self, the person, is the prime consideration. A person wanting to be alone is not in and or itself a sign of trouble, unless it is coupled with other symptoms that could indicate issues. Merely stating your desire to be without company is often a reflection on the busyness and chaos of everyday life; it is the decompression, the quiet processing time necessary for eventually restarting the hectic schedule.
Eastern-European, Middle-Eastern, and Asian cultures have a different approach. Expressing a desire for aloneness is often met with suspicion and questions. Are you angry at the family? Have we offended you in some way? Why else would you want to read your book alone in your room? Come, sit here with us; we will be quiet, but we will all be quiet together, as a family.
There are, of course, exceptions to the general rules of broadly applied behaviour to Eastern and Western ideas on aloneness, and I will not go into the historical threads that contribute to them.
I introduce the topic because Halloween celebrates fear. And what is our most basic fear but the fear of being alone? The Online Merriam Webster dictionary defines autophobia as the, “morbid fear of solitude.” But for those of us who recognize and embrace our desire – nay, a base and foundational need essential for survival – for aloneness, there is no such fear. It is something in which we bask. It is the time dedicated to knowing ourselves, the time that aids us in discovering who we really are. And every time someone expresses an unease or discomfort with the idea of being alone, I wonder, what is it, exactly, that you are so afraid of discovering about yourself?
"Horse and Train", Alex Colville, 1954
